Blah Life Blah Blah Happiness

bagel

A hamster. In a wheel. Get it?

Some days I am so, so bored that I feel like I can’t possibly do it another day without my face melting off. And then I leave my beautiful, perfect kids behind and go to the office and do it again the next day. And the next. But it’s all for a good reason – I get paid. And that is certainly helpful. Except that I’m not sure what this kind of situation does to a person over time.

My inner voice loudly shouts two conflicting messages at me. One is “you are lucky to have a good job that pays well and isn’t dangerous and includes the perk of working with great people who make you laugh and are good at what they do.” The other is “sweet Jesus life is TOO SHORT and you are WASTING it doing something you don’t love.” And for real, Pearls, I CANNOT RECONCILE the two. Both are true. Both. Are. True.

So what am I supposed to do? How do you know which voice to listen to? If I listen to my gut I would spend my days doing something happier and more personally fulfilling. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. Except that our house would be dirtier (no extra money for cleaners) and we’d not be able to visit our friends in California or go to the beach or some other of our favorite places. But my gut also sometimes tells me that another glass of wine would be great and then I end up with a thirsty headache. So I’m not sure that guts are where it’s at, if you know what I mean. Except, you know, Oprah. She tells me all the time to find my passion and live it. And she seems very well-versed in this area.

I do recognize that this dilemma is what we call a First World Problem – akin to “like, OMG my hairstylist no longer carries the hair mask I love” as opposed to “I have to walk 2.5 miles each way to get water for my family.” I get it. But the fact that there are people with worse problems is not a good reason to just carry on not solving our own.

Oh, and there’s a follow-up to this question. If a person listens to their inner voice about life being too short, WHEN is the right time? How do you know when to make the leap into Oprah’s Land of Intuitive Living? Some people say to waste no time, but then the other people remind me that I am supposed to save for retirement. Blergh. It just feels unsolvable! And I have thought about all this so much that I am tired and bored to tears by the well-worn paths in my brain. I mean, those mothers are like neuronal super highways. So if you have something to say, let’s hear it. I’m all out of words on this, so I need to hear some of yours.

Love and ruminations,

B

About Betsy Tucker

I am a 40-something mom, wife, reluctant lawyer and occasional farmer with a desire to convince everybody in the world to just be who they are and let everyone else do the same. We'll see how it goes.

4 comments on “Blah Life Blah Blah Happiness

  1. Finding that happy medium between living a life that follows your Muse and one that pays the bills is certainly a challenge! If there’s some secret solution, I certainly haven’t found it. What I have found is balance (most of the time) and finding ways to feed my “happy” as well as put groceries in the fridge. Find ways to feed your passion while you do the laundry list of “have to’s”, until your passion is also able to “feed you” financially…and don’t give up looking for ways to make your passion do just that!
    Always,
    A.

  2. Was lead to your blog by a friend, Amy. I face the same challenge myself… different internal dialogue, but none-the-less, the same message. “You’re crazy if you say” v. “You’re crazy if you leave”. Recently took a different position with the same company as I truly like the people I work with (most of the time). I just have so many ideas of things which require a capital outlay to bring to fruition or would mean more space than the appartment I currently am in… I do agree with Amy though- balance out the have to’s with the want to’s and find ways to integrate more want-to’s into life. It IS too short, now is the time. You can do it! Anyone can!

    Thanks for the read! Love your style!
    Sincerely,

    C. (just in staying with the A & B theme)

  3. Betsy,

    I haven’t seen you in G-d-knows-how-long but I’m thrilled to enjoy your writing here and, now, call myself a Pearl. Can I be a Pearl? I’ve only read three posts; I’m not sure if I’m using that term right yet. Maybe I’m pre-pearlescent. Okay, obviously I need food.
    But before I leave and try to scrounge up dinner (yes, I’m at the office at 7:37 pm because I have no kids tonight) let me post something on this post. You seem to be well-versed at the challenge of lawyering (boring) yet earning money (helpful). I, on the other hand, am well-versed at the challenge of Loving Your World-Changing Job (20 years now in various such jobs) yet earning too little money (especially challenging when you are divorced/head of household). Both suck, here are a few random thoughts: (a) I do love my job most days and it’s a really lovely feeling to be in the inner circle of the Venn diagram of liking what you do, being relatively good at it AND feeling like you’re making a difference (b) I don’t really need retirement savings cuz there will always be problems I want to solve and unlike manual labor, I can do this thinking-and-typing gig forever (c) I will pretty much HAVE to do it forever — “b” was mostly a justification — but maybe I could relax and go part-time once my kids graduate from college (d) there are always credit cards for that time of month (you know, when you’re out of money) and (e) maybe I’ll make more money one day (HAHAHAHA okay that’s my eternal optimist typing).
    Anyway I don’t know when is the right time to jump, but I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. The Land of Intuitive Living awaits you for sure. Maybe this blogging thing will help get you there, all the while amusing us on your journey.
    Cheers,
    Susan

    • Susan! Of COURSE you can be a Pearl! You were a Pearl before you even knew what it was. I loved your comment, and you explained the push/pull thing perfectly. I am so envious of those people that somehow make money and are fulfilled in their jobs – but I don’t think it’s very common. I will jump at some point. I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for visiting the blog!!

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