Some days I am so, so bored that I feel like I can’t possibly do it another day without my face melting off. And then I leave my beautiful, perfect kids behind and go to the office and do it again the next day. And the next. But it’s all for a good reason – I get paid. And that is certainly helpful. Except that I’m not sure what this kind of situation does to a person over time.
My inner voice loudly shouts two conflicting messages at me. One is “you are lucky to have a good job that pays well and isn’t dangerous and includes the perk of working with great people who make you laugh and are good at what they do.” The other is “sweet Jesus life is TOO SHORT and you are WASTING it doing something you don’t love.” And for real, Pearls, I CANNOT RECONCILE the two. Both are true. Both. Are. True.
So what am I supposed to do? How do you know which voice to listen to? If I listen to my gut I would spend my days doing something happier and more personally fulfilling. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. Except that our house would be dirtier (no extra money for cleaners) and we’d not be able to visit our friends in California or go to the beach or some other of our favorite places. But my gut also sometimes tells me that another glass of wine would be great and then I end up with a thirsty headache. So I’m not sure that guts are where it’s at, if you know what I mean. Except, you know, Oprah. She tells me all the time to find my passion and live it. And she seems very well-versed in this area.
I do recognize that this dilemma is what we call a First World Problem – akin to “like, OMG my hairstylist no longer carries the hair mask I love” as opposed to “I have to walk 2.5 miles each way to get water for my family.” I get it. But the fact that there are people with worse problems is not a good reason to just carry on not solving our own.
Oh, and there’s a follow-up to this question. If a person listens to their inner voice about life being too short, WHEN is the right time? How do you know when to make the leap into Oprah’s Land of Intuitive Living? Some people say to waste no time, but then the other people remind me that I am supposed to save for retirement. Blergh. It just feels unsolvable! And I have thought about all this so much that I am tired and bored to tears by the well-worn paths in my brain. I mean, those mothers are like neuronal super highways. So if you have something to say, let’s hear it. I’m all out of words on this, so I need to hear some of yours.
Love and ruminations,